"Are you glad you don't have to be pregnant again?"

    I started this post in October. For two months, it underwent various edits in my draft folder, never feeling quite right or quite finished. After we brought Roo home, it became irrelevant. I stumbled upon it today and almost deleted it, never having figured out a way to express myself in a way that I was happy with. But instead, I decided that it needed posted. I know if I felt this way, perhaps others have, too. Maybe for some it is "Are you glad you don't have to go through fertility treatment any more?" with all of the sickness and pain that it can cause. Maybe for others on this journey, you won't have any idea what I am talking about and this post will make me seem either crazy or horribly selfish. I'm not very good at being transparent, so pressing the "publish" button on this one is proving itself to be remarkably difficult for me.

Adoption Fundraising Idea: T-shirt Sales

        We all know adoption is expensive  (unless you do the foster-to-adopt route). Many of the organizations that offer grants want to see that you have done some fundraising on your part. This post is going to discuss a great new t-shirt fundraising site called Modfund (they give more per shirt to your fund than many other t-shirt fundraisers), show an example of an adopting family who has an active Modfund campaign, and invite you to share links to any fundraising campaign that you might have so that we can all help each other out!

OUR ADOPTION IS FINALIZED!

       One week ago yesterday, our adoption was finalized. The whole day was a whirlwind, and we weren't expecting to get to finalize that day, but our assigned judge got a cancellation on her docket. I'm not sure how helpful it will be for me to recount the process since every state (and every judge!) does things differently, but here we go:

Post-placements visits complete!

        It has been so long since I posted an update! There really hasn't been anything exciting. We had our 3 post-placement visits (one each month), which were completely, entirely uneventful. The social worker asked for updates from Roo's doctor appointments, general baby health and development questions, and basic questions about our adjustment and bonding. Now that our 3 visits have been completed and the post-placement report is done, the adoption attorney in Roo's birth state can petition for a court date for finalization.

Available Situation: Sibling Group UPDATE

I am reposting this as there has been an update this week, and a family still has not been found for these kiddos. If you know someone who may be interested, PLEASE forward this along! I'm posting the update first, and the original posting below.

Available Situation: Caucasian Baby due in August

      I am reposting this situation with permission from Betty with Little Bit of Heaven Adoptions. The biomom hasn't seen a profile that she feels is a good fit yet. If interested, please email merts1234@yahoo.com  

Available situation- sibling group of 5

       I got an email this morning from one of the adoption lawyers I follow, and he asked that this situation be shared so that the right family can be found for these kids that will allow them to be together again. I'm just going to copy and paste the email, as he has given permission for public sharing. Just because the situation involves the Florida foster care system does NOT mean that the adoptive parents need to live in Florida. I don't have any involvement in this situation whatsoever, so contact him directly with questions or interest. Also feel free to share further!

Post Placement Visit 1

       About an hour ago, our social worker left from our 1st post placement visit. Like the earlier homestudy process, the post placement process will vary by state. This variation will include both the number of post placement visits required for finalization and their content. Our social worker actually had a print-out with her since Roo's birth state (which will also be the state of finalization) has a specific list of questions that they want asked, and these questions are different than the standard questions of our home state.

The joys of genetic variation

      You don't see many lighthearted things related to adoption, so here is one: sometimes, having a child who does not share your genes is awesome. Researchers have found that sleeping through the night is largely genetic. In other words, good sleepers are born, not made. Our son woke up every 3-4 hours until right around his first birthday-- something that my mother has said that I did, as well. Apparently, he got the "it's okay, no one around here needs to sleep" gene from me! When we began planning for another baby, I was prepared for another year of exhaustion. Baby Girl (who I have decided to call Roo on the blog because of her love of being worn around in my Kangaroo carrier*) is a month old today and, for the past week or so, has gotten in a routine of only waking up one time between her 8pm bedtime and 5am. It is glorious. She has "I like to sleep genes." Lord knows she wouldn't have gotten those from our gene pool.


* I have this LILLEbaby babywearing carrier and LOVE it! We used it with our son for about a year (even went hiking with it!) and now are using it again with Roo. They hold up well in the wash and aren't as hot as the Ergo's, plus they are super comfortable with the extra padding on the back supports.

Where to find available unmatched situations

        Hi all! Baby girl is almost 4 weeks old, and all is well. She is happy and healthy and loved. We have our first post placement visit next week, which I will write an update about after it happens. I'm starting to go through and delete all of my copious adoption-related notes from my computer, so I'll be sharing some random things here and there as I find information that I saved that others might find helpful. Today, I'm going to share some links to pages that post available, unmatched situations that anyone who is homestudy ready can apply for. Sometimes, agencies have expectant mothers who cannot be well matched with any PAP who is signed with that agency. When this happens, they often post the situation as an "available situation" or "unmatched situation" on webpage so that other PAPs are able to see the profile and apply. All of the links that I am going to post do not require a fee to see the page, nor do they require a fee to inquire about a situation, nor do they require you to become a client of the agency to submit your profile for consideration. This is an important point because many agencies maintain an "available situations" page, but if you write or call to inquire about one of the situations posted, they will not give you any information or allow you to submit  profile unless you first sign with them.  We actually matched with Anne through one of these pages rather than through our own agency.

ICPC

    ICPC (or the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children) is one of the most unpredictable parts of the legal half of the adoption process in terms of trying to make a timeline and figure out logistical plans. In a nutshell, ICPC is the process that supervises placing a child born in one state into the care of parents who plan to transport that child to another state, given that each state is given quite a bit of freedom in developing their own adoption laws and protocols. As adoptive parents, you cannot legally leave the state that the child was born in until you have received ICPC clearance.

Newborn Withdrawal (NAS- Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome)

        Trying to research NAS was one of the most nerve-wracking things of the last weeks of Anne's pregnancy. Would Baby Girl go through withdrawal? How bad would it be? Would she have to go to the NICU? Would she suffer?
       I learned this week in the hospital that the reason there is no concrete information available about NAS is that it is totally unpredictable. The doctors told me that they have seen multiple instances of two women with the exact same medication/substance use profile, and one of their babies has absolutely no withdrawal symptoms but the other one will end up in the NICU for 3 weeks. They have seen women on extremely high doses of methadone give birth to a babies who end up with a couple of mild symptoms, while some women on doses of opiate pain relievers considered to be safe for pregnancy watch their babies suffer from serious withdrawal for days or weeks. Even in Anne's case, there were some doctors and nurses who looked at her chart and said "I wouldn't be worried about that baby" while others said "You should prepare yourself for the baby needing step-down therapy in the NICU." So, first and foremost, no one is going to be able to give you a prediction about if the baby you are hoping to adopt will go through withdrawal and if so, how bad it will be.

Hospital Stay & Discharge

   Yesterday afternoon, we got to take Baby Girl home from the hospital. She ended up being there for 5 days, which is the minimum recommended for NAS (withdrawal) monitoring and observation. Since she never ended up needing to go to NICU, we were able to leave after this minimum monitoring period. She did have some NAS symptoms, though-- I'll write more about that later. But for now, I'm going to summary what our hospital experience over the past 5 days was like.