Sunday, January 25, 2015

Why I am writing


My husband and I are just beginning the adoption process. I wanted to document things as they unfold for those who are trying to figure out what to expect. There are several resources out there for the big things: meeting the bio parents (if that will happen), legalization of the adoption, bonding with the baby, and discussing adoption with the child when s/he is older, to name a few. But there are very few people who talk about what to expect at the very beginning: getting started, picking an agency, that first meeting with a social worker, thinking about a homestudy, getting your mountain of paperwork in order, and those types of things. I'm the type of person who likes to know what to expect when I am going into a situation, so I want to try to remedy this! So, the goal of this blog is to document our experiences from the very beginning. We had our first meeting with our social worker yesterday (in our state, that is considered the first part of your home study), and I plan to write as everything unfolds. This will also be a place where I share updates with our friends and family.

Hopefully someone will find this to be at least somewhat helpful!



  1. I'm curious about the title of this blog. It sounds as though you're suggesting that the wrong person(s) became pregnant with "your child" by mistake, and that's why you're adopting.

    Please tell me that's NOT what you believe, because as an adult adoptee, I find the whole concept of being born to the "wrong person" totally offensive.

  2. Kaye-

    Oh no, that isn't it at all! I'm so sorry you interpreted it that way-- I wouldn't want anyone to get that impression. I actually don't refer to the baby we will someday be adopting as "our child" or "my child" anywhere on the blog. I don't believe children are things to be owned or that a woman who places a child for an adoption would be the "wrong" person to parent that child or that she is the "wrong person" to be carrying that child. We are seeking an open adoption and want a healthy relationship with the biomom and always want her to be a part of her child's life and vice-versa. The title actually came from a couple of different jokes from people close to me. My husband and I were talking about how the titles of all of the adoption books on our agency's suggested list were so clinical and medical-textbook sounding, and then he said something about a confused stork (I don't remember what it was at the moment, just that it made me laugh). And a couple of years ago, a friend of mine thought she might be pregnant and REALLY did not want to be, and in the one lighthearted moment of a very serious conversation she said something along the lines of "That damn stork better not get confused-- I do NOT want to see him!" For some reason, that line stuck out to me when I was trying to think of a title. I don't mean it to be disrespectful or minimizing of first-parents/bioparents at all, it is more of the idea that we (like most potential adoptive parents) would like so badly to be able to become pregnant (see the stork), while at the same time there are other people who have been "visited by the stork" during a season in their lives that, for some reason or another, is not conducive with parenthood. I don't believe that being pregnant at an inopportune time makes someone the "wrong" parent, and I don't believe that anyone should ever feel pressured or coerced to place their baby for adoption due to other people interpreting their life circumstances as creating a "wrong" situation for parenthood. Hopefully that makes as much sense on paper as it does in my head?

    Thank you so much for your comment and for drawing that to my attention-- maybe I'll add something to my "why I'm writing" page to avoid anyone else being hurt or offended by the title. I thought I was being witty, but I didn't even think about the fact that someone coming from a different point in the triad could interpret that title in a way that was hurtful.